Permission to Be Human — Stressed and Depressed
We’ve been feeling stressed and depressed this week. It’s not been easy coping with family emotions. This is what we’ve been going through with our two young children. Read more…
Coping with Children’s Emotions
Up until this week we have been coping pretty well. George and I are pretty optimistic, and whatever the circumstances, manage to fairly quickly pick ourselves back up (or often one helps the other). But we are all human.
This week it has hit us all pretty hard. I don’t know if it is the rainy weather, or just how long all this seems to be taking, but for some reason this week we have all come apart a little bit.
We have two kids, who are emotionally fragile at the best of times. They have been coping as we would have expected (i.e. not fantastically) with all the changes in routine, missing their friends, missing their grandparents, having to do some home schooling, and not going anywhere.
We were actually getting in a groove after the first weird couple of weeks. This week that has changed. I’ve been getting a huge amount of resistance from one child about home schooling.
Bear in mind that my curriculum lasts 90 minutes a day and only includes 45 minutes of reading, and online maths games. The rest of the “school day” is made up of meditation, hugging, planning meals and going for a 30 minute walk. I’m not asking for the world. The rest of the day is theirs.
They have been experiencing a lot of fear about leaving the house…losing us…and in the extreme…someone breaking into the house with an axe! Hence their trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. This is understandable, but exhausting.
Unfortunately for everyone, stress and tiredness lead to emotional outbursts, which can take me a while to calm down. My (Sarah’s) role in the family is the emotional regulator, which I have developed a skill for over the years, but it wears you down over time without stretches of rest and recuperation — which I’m not getting.
My parents are amazing, and usually provide us with at least a night a month of respite/time as a couple. We are all missing this desperately.
Social-wise we are getting a good amount of talking with our property friends over Zoom — but it’s not the same as hugging friends and family. Health-wise, we are eating well and exercising. Our sleep is not so great!
So that’s where we are. We are thankful to be in a better position than most — financially we are okay. We have a nice house and a garden. We are spending a lot of time learning in our downtime.
Permission to Be Human
And yet we are human. We are having a bad week.
“Permission to be human” is a concept in psychology. Having “permission to be human” allows you — in times of stress — to look at your day and pare it back to the bare minimum.
What HAS to be done today to stop your business imploding?
Your family going hungry?
Just do those.
Take it easy on yourself.
You do not need to read 100 books.
You do not need to start a new “Coronovirus pivoted business”.
You do not need to be a parent that home schools perfectly for 6 hours and engages your kids all day.
You do not need to walk a marathon in your garden.
We are both really driven people, and our to do lists are always full. We have loads of ideas of how to help people — we like to keep busy. But today I am not doing any of that. I may not even get dressed!
I plan on having a nap later. We will cope.
Part of permission to be human as I interpret it, is when things do not go well (you get cross at the family, or something important slips), give yourself “permission to be human.”
You are not…and cannot be perfect.
Good enough is a good bar to aim for. If things go badly, be kind to yourself and take a little time to take in the lesson, so next time it may go a little better.
With my family we have developed a really low bar for the days that are not great — we are all alive!
If we get to the end of the day and we are all still breathing — then we have succeeded. Everything else we have achieved is “gravy”.
In these current times, this is even more important — and we are grateful for it every day. Others are not so lucky.
So, we are going to take care of ourselves this week. We will not get a lot done — lots of snuggling on the sofa and cups of tea to refill our emotional “cups”. I expect that we will be feeling better next week — these things are cyclical.
If you’re in a positive place — make the most of it. Get your new businesses launched and push forward.
We know a lot of people have been struggling, and we feel for you. If you’re in a less than ideal state, please take care of yourselves.
We will come out the other side of this. I know that there will be as many positive events during the day, as negatives. It can just take a little perspective sometimes.
For us, we have taken the time to re-look at our values, goals and plans moving forward. It has been a great opportunity to step back and do that.
We’ve been eating really well, exercising and meditating. We’ve been appreciating all that we have.
We’ve been taking the opportunity to learn more about various subjects:
- Plant based diet
- Marketing and social media
- The kids have learned plan meals and to cook some things
- My daughter is learning to sew and type.
- My son is learning about The Titanic.
But perhaps not today. Pyjamas, kids movies and food on the sofa is the plan.
I forgot to ask. How has your week been? Let us know below. Leave us a Comment below.
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Virtual hugs to you all. See you next week.
Live your Dreams,
George Choy & Sarah Choy (Financially Free at 39)
Authors of the Amazon #1 Bestsellers: